Today is the day!!

Ok...so I have finally gotten a referral, not an appointment, but a referral to see a peds pulmonologist at Shands. So I am (not so) patiently waiting for them to call me and set up an appointment and this swine flu thing hits the media! Now I guess I will just never take Grace out anywhere!! If she has trouble with the common sniffles what in the world would we do if this new strain got a hold of her!?

So there is my rant....my let loose get it all out moment. Here is what the real me knows but sometimes has trouble practicing. God is in control. No matter what, this is true. Yesterday in church I had it so plainly there for me to see, hear and feel. For the past month or more I knew I had been taking allot more stress on than usual. Slowly it was building up and I was being short with everyone and had no energy as it was all used up in my stress. So on Saturday I started feeling God and His 'oh so gentle' guidance....He was telling me to to let it go and let Him take over again. By Sunday morning it was clear to me and as I was getting ready to go to church I looked in the mirror and as if to confirm to the myself, out loud I said, "Today is the day". I knew that it was the day to let go....to turn and remember who I was and that God is in control...if I will let Him be. Then, as if to seal and confirm the entire process, our pastor preached one of the most moving services I have ever heard! The subject?......you guessed it....turn, repent and remember your first love....Christ. He talked about how we get so caught up doing all the things we know we are supposed to do...attending church, helping out, teaching Sunday school, loving others spreading the gospel....that we leave Christ and our excitment and joy for Him on the back burner....the ember gets smaller and our love gets ordinary. He asked, (although I know he didn't really want us to answer), how many of us were excited about coming to church that morning...and singing praise and worship music. Well you know I thought about it...and I do get excited when I am going to church and I do love to sing the songs. I love it because it feeds my soul...I can compare it to refilling the gas tank in my car. It fills me up enough to get me through till the next fill up, on Wednesday night. I have realized how small I am in my journey and in my christianity. I know I have so very much more to learn and experience. I also know that I have come a very very long way and that I have no doubts about God and my salvation. My falter comes in living life here on earth and the daily struggles we all go through. I often wonder why I still try to do things on my own, how I seem to forget that I don't have to be alone....ever. God doesn't 'fix' everything as we think it should be done. He has infinite wisdom and see's much more than we ever will. His promise to us is to be with us. His promise is to love us. His promise is to never leave us...no matter what. He does not tell us bad things will not happen, but that when they do happen...He will cry with us and hold us up. He will sustain us. As long as we do not turn away He will remain with us.

I know that I pray everyday. I know that my name is written in the 'Book of Life'. My promise to myself today is that I will strive to cling tighter and closer to God. When I sing, I feel God draw near to me....His presence is so strong and that is one of the many reasons I love to to sing. I know that my spirit is soaring and my 'flesh' is being over taken by the spirit rising up in me. Sometimes as we are singing....the presence of God is so strong that Dawn, my singing partner, and I can only look at each other to know we are both feeling it and are both being swept away. The power of Gods' annointing is amazing. I felt it yesterday in church as I vowed to Him to keep Him in my sights and not to turn away when things became overwelming and stressful.

So just as I know I will be going through this journey with Grace, to find out why she is having trouble battling these viruses. We will not be alone. God will be with us for every test and ever answer. I know that as I draw closer to Him....fear will have no place.

(and a small PS.......we are getting ready to record about 7 more songs in the next month or so and will finally have enough tracks for a full length CD!!)

Worried About Gracie

Gracie just turned 4. She has had pnuemonia 5 times since she was born. She has never gotten a cold and recovered from it without meds. She has had to go to the pediatrician everytime she has gotten a virus because it morphs into some sort of bronchitus, infection or pnuemonia. She had ear tubes placed at 10 months and was hospitalized for 8 days at 15 months with severe pneumonia. She is just now recovering from her last bought of pneumonia and coughed so severely that she ruptured the tiny blood vessels in her eyes! The docs have now,(finally), taken notice of her frequent illness and have discovered that everytime she has been sick it has involved her right lung in the lower and middle lobes. They are in the process of referring her to a pulmonologist. In a sense, I am grateful and relieved to finally,(possibly, hopefully) have some answers, but in a sense I am also scared. I am scared to have an answer and also scared to not have an answer. I am also beginning to realize that I have become super aware of people that seem sick around me. If I am out and someone sneezes or coughs or worse I hear a stuffy nose or see a kid with green yucky stuff coming from theirs.....I totally will go the other way. I will do anything to avoid Grace being exposed to a virus. The first time I became aware of my paranoia was at church one morning and one of Grace's friends came and sat with us...as she does frequently. Well a few minutes into the service her little friend coughed. It was not just a little cough but one of those coughs that sound like they have a flood of mucus in their lungs trying to come out. I sat there mortified as she and Grace were whispering and touching the same things!! Inside I wanted to snatch Gracie up and run to the bathroom and scrub her until she was surely germ free. Of course I didn't, mostly because by then the damage was done. A week later the virus had a hold of both Grace and Jessica. As expected Jessica got over it in about 4 days, and in about 4 days I was taking Grace to the doctors.

I worry that people and doctors too will think I am just being overprotective and silly. Sometimes I have to wonder myself. But everytime I have taken her in sure enough she is into bronchitus and of course the next step would be another pnuemonia. The coughing is the worst. Poor little thing is up all night long with me beside her, all propped up, (doesn't seem to help so I don't know why we bother). She trys to eat and is coughing so much she just cries and gives up. She does sleep after exhaustion sets in, although she moans while she is sleeping and her body heaves as it tries to suppress the coughing. She eventually wakes and has an even more terrible coughing spasm than before she fell asleep. I have tried everything...even the vicks on the feet with socks wives tale, didn't work. She gets breathing treatments, I run the humidifyer...still no relief for her. As a parent it breaks my heart.

So thankfully I finally have someones attention and maybe a pulmonologist can help. I just can't shake this gut feeling I have that there is some underlying thing going on that is the reason for all of this illness. She is supposed to start pre-school in the fall and I don't see how she possibly will fair being exposed to even more viruses than she is now. We get them from church, dance class and playdates, along with whatever her two older sisters bring home from school. But the thought of her being in close proximity with 20 other 4 year olds that are not washing hands and coughing all over the place has me mortified!! We are lucky to go two months without having to have her down with another virus and back on antibiotics!! She misses dance class and church and playdates.....what will we do if she misses a week of school at a time!! How will it effect her schooling and her ability to fit in at school?!

My two older kids were never sick like this. If they got a bug it worked its course and then they bounced back. We just finished Grace's double round of antibiotics last night...so my waiting begins now for the next bug to attack. Hopefully it won't hit her before she can get in to see the pulmonologist. I think it would be easier to examine her if she was healthy at the time. Her doctors still have not called me with the referral! I called the office and left a message on Friday last week as it had been a week since I was told to expect the referral. It is tough not knowing what is going on.

Our Disney Trip Report!!

Ok all.... here is a recap of our 8 days at WDW from March 28th thru April 4th.

Day one, Saturday - We arrived for our 1st stay ever at Port Orleans Riverside Resort at Disney World at about 10am. I did not do the online check in, was too chicken of a system glitch. Out of curiosity I looked for an online check in line but did not see one so I was not sorry for being chicken...checking in was quick even though there was a small line. We were all set in about 15 minutes. We stayed in room 2752 in AB. I had requested building 18 or 27 so we were happy with the room. We parked the car and proceeded to take a load of luggage to our room.... silly us for not asking bell services to assist. All the heavy stuff was left so we called bell services and they were there in a jiffy and had all our stuff in the room in one quick trip. It was upstairs too so I tipped the bell guy $5. We had towel animals from the start and a big Mickey face made from towels on one of the beds too!! After settling in everyone wanted lunch so it was off to try out the Disney Dining Plan at the Riverside Mill!! The food was great!! After lunch we suited up and spent the rest of the afternoon in the pool at Ole Man Island. The slide was a hit with the kids...and for me too!! Later we ate dinner, shopped at the gift store and explored a bit. Cassie and Jessica added charms to their Disney charm bracelets from previous visits and Gracie bought her 1st charm bracelet and got four charms for it, along with a GIANT lollipop! Then we headed off to bed to be fresh and rested for the Magic Kingdom!!

Day two, Sunday - We left our resort at 7:50am to make ropedrop at Magic Kingdom. It was rainy and they cancelled the opening show :( Still we took off for a magical day. As soon as we got in the gates the rain slowed and there were Chip and Dale and we were 1st in line. As expected they goofed around and we got some great pictures. We walked onto every ride we wanted to...some even twice!! We did all of Fantasy Land, except Dumbo due to the rain and then headed to Space Mountain for fastpasses. Then on to Frontierland for Splash Mountain and Thunder Mountain. The wait for Thunder Mountain was about 15 minutes and Splash was about the same. Then we went to Haunted Mansion and literally walked right in!! We then went to Pirates of the Caribbean and walked onto that also. The rain had stopped by then and Gracie wanted to ride Aladdin but it was temporarily broken down...so we went on Jungle Cruise, which was about a ten-minute wait. We ate lunch afterwards and then met my MIL at about 1:30. We went on Haunted Mansion again...about a 10-minute wait this time and then road Pirates again with about a 15-minute wait. We noticed the crowds getting big and headed back to the resort for some rest and relaxation, (and a nap for Gracie and Daddy). We ate dinner at Boat Wrights and then headed back to Magic Kingdom for shopping, fireworks, parades and Space Mountain!! We didn’t get back to the resort till about 12am!!

Day three, Monday – This was an Epcot day! We were there at the park about 10am due to our late night before. Crowds were still manageable. We rode Soaring on standby with a 20-minute wait. Gracie did not like it one bit!! She thought she was going to fall but was not hysterical or anything…just said she didn’t like it. We went over to the Living Seas next and rode Nemo and did Turtle Talk, we all loved Turtle Talk. Gracie bought a new drinking cup with Nemo on it, a set of Nemo bath toys and a Little mermaid doll set. Another great perk of staying onsite at Disney is all packages are able to be sent back to your resort so you don't have to lug them around all day!!We headed over to World Showcase and browsed the countries. The flower gardens were just beautiful!! As we strolled through France there was Belle standing on a little off to the side sidewalk with no line!! Gracie was ecstatic and got her picture taken and a big hug too! We ended up eating lunch at the Liberty Inn so the kids would eat too! Afterwards it was on to Mission Space and Test Track!! We rode the spinning side of Mission Space, (thank goodness for Dramamine!). This is one of my favorite rides followed closely by Everest and Tower of Terror! We headed back to our resort around 6pm and ate dinner there. MIL was tired and had to head home that night. She had booked herself a room at Port Orleans French Quarter for the night before and said it was beautiful!

Day four, Tuesday – Hollywood Studios!! Wow we did so much this day!! All day in the park with no break. We started out with American Idol and then over to ride Tower of Terror and Rockin Roller Coaster. We got fastpasses for another ride on Tower of Terror later on and headed to Play House Disney and the Ariel show. The kids met Donald Duck, Goofy, Pluto and Stitch. They did the Backlot Tour, Star Tours, lunch and then we let the kids play in the Honey I Shrunk the Kids playground. They had a blast!! We all played actually. It is a playground where you are shrunken down and playing in the backyard like in the movie. Huge blades of grass and giant leaves to slide on. A huge spider web to climb.....it was fun!! Afterwards Gracie met Sully and Mike from Monster's Inc, she was very happy to meet them! We headed to Sunset Boulevard and got another set of fastpasses for Rockin Roller Coaster and went on Tower of Terror again, then saw Beauty and the Beast show and rode Rockin Roller Coaster. Jessica got a totally cool Aerosmith Rockin Roller Coaster tee shirt! By then it was about 7pm and we headed over to Magic Kingdom to watch the fireworks again. (we LOVE Wishes!!)

Day five, Wednesday – This was my Gracies day to be a princess. She got up and did the whole princess dress and hair up do with a tiara, (the gel is sticky so we went light on it!). She was dressed like Belle and she was so happy and proud. This was her day so the first thing we did was head to Toontown. We met Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Belle, Tinkerbelle, SilverMist and Fawn, (Don’t miss meeting the fairies! Very funny and very pretty!). Then we headed to the judges tent and met Mickey and Minnie!! Then we were off to Ariels Grotto. My little princess is a collector of shiny things and had been picking up sequins and such while we were waiting to see Ariel. When it was her turn Ariel saw her collection and told her how she was a collector too. Then she told her that sometimes her scales come off and if Gracie would look under her tail she may find some shiny scales to take and add to her collection. Ariel lifted her tail and Daddy helped Gracie look and they found about ten shiny scales!! I got it all on video…just awesome!! It was lunchtime by then so we ate and then headed to ride Aladdin’s Carpet. After we rode we met Jasmine just outside the ride and then over by Pirates of the Caribbean to meet Peter Pan, Captain Hook and Smitty. Everywhere we went Cast Members greeted Gracie with, "Hello Your Highness"!, it was awesome and Gracie had the biggest smile all day! We went on more rides, although Gracie never did get brave enough to try Snow Whites Scary Adventure, she rides Haunted Mansion with no problem but won't get near Snow White!! We headed to Tommorrowland and saw the Monsters Inc show and Stitches Great Escape. Afterwards we spent the rest of the day shopping and then called it a night!

Day six, Thursday – Animal Kingdom! We made ropedrop and watched the opening show. We got fastpasses for Safari …which I highly recommend, it was very good! We then headed to Asia for Expedition Everest and Kali River Rapids. Rode both and got Fastpasses for Expedition Everest to ride again later. We watched Bugs Life, and then visited with Pooh, Tigger and Eeyore. Had lunch at the Flamin BBQ and then headed into Dinoland. That was it for Gracie!! She loved the playground in Dinoland!! Cassie and Jessica and Mark and I took turns riding Dinosaur and Primeval whirl in pairs while two of us stayed with Gracie while she played!! After we were finally done exploring Dinoland we rode Expedition Everest one last time, got Mark and Jessica Expedition Everest tee shirts and headed back to the resort for an early night…finally some sleep!! Gracie looked so cute snuggled up with a little stuffed Yeti from Expedition Everest Cassie bought for her!

Day seven, Friday – Magic Kingdom again…. we had a nice relaxing day. No hurrying just enjoying the Kingdom. We rode Cinderella’s Carousel about 4 times and found Cinderella’s fav horse with the golden ribbon for Gracie to ride. We rode Dumbo and Aladdin’s Carpet. Got fastpasses and rode Space Mountain for the last time before it closes for rehab!! Saw the Mickey’s Philharmagic and rode Thunder Mountain Railroad. We watched Wishes from a pavilion near the castle and got to see Tinkerbell pass right above us!! Then we went over to Sleepy Hollow Inn for funnel cakes and watched SpectroMagic! On the way out Cassie attempted some shopping and I got Grace a stuffed 'Marie' kitty from The Aristocats, she also finally got her Princess balloon she had been asking for all week!! It was a magical final day in the Kingdom!!

Day eight, Saturday and our final day – I got things together and the car loaded, (thanks again to bell services!!). After checkout we headed over to Hollywood Studios for some shopping and a few last rides on Tower of Terror and Rockin Roller Coaster. We headed for home, totally exhausted and happy at about 6pm….

All in all we had a great time!! We loved the Port Orleans Resort. We had special mousekeeping services everyday with either towel animals or special arrangements made with Gracies existing animals, which overjoyed her!! All other visits had been to Bay Lake resorts just next to the Magic Kingdom so we missed that convenience a little but loved the Port Orleans recreation and pool area. I also loved using the Disney Dining Plan, it made all meals so easy and we didn't have to worry about shelling out $$ at the time of our meals or snacks...because it was all pre-paid for! I have a ton of pictures but we are waiting for our Photopass CD and then Mark will upload them all together. I will do a special blog just of pictures then!!!

Hope the report wasn't too long....I didn't want to leave anything out!!

We're Going to Disney!! (again!)

Our last trip, and where all these pictures came from, was in 2007! We are so excited to be going again!

We are leaving in March and will be there for 8 whole days!! We are staying at a Disney resort again and I highly recommend it to anyone wanting to have a 'totally magical" vacation. Only 47 days to go!!

PS...Disney vacations are more affordable than you think....you can book your trip a year in advance with a small down payment and then pay installments up until 45 days before your trip!!

Memories

Twenty four years ago, plus one day, my father was killed in an airplane crash. He had just turned 49 years old and had a lot of life in front of him. I had just turned 18 and was transformed into a different world from that day forth. I grew up in a very lavish lifestyle. We wanted for nothing and I didn't know what it meant to struggle, hurt or need anything.

The call came in at 1:43am. The National Transportation Safety Board informed my mom, over the telephone, that my dad's plane had gone down shortly after lift off and they did not think he had survived. Then they told her they would contact her when they had more information. From 1:43am until 5:20am she waited, with her eyes glued to the tv screen, for the phone to ring. The news channel was reporting that the captain of the plane, my father, had survived along with one passenger. When the second call came the NTSB informed her that indeed my dad had not survived the crash...while at the same time the news was reporting the captain had survived. Finally at about 6:30 am my mom woke me up and told me what happened. It was really strange because she told me with no emotion and I reacted with the same. I remember walking into the bathroom and staring at myself in the mirror for I don't know how long, to see if I looked any different now that my dad was gone. Finally after what seemed like forever I said to my reflection, "I don't have a daddy anymore". Still I never cried...you see my dad traveled alot so it was quite easy for me to adjust to the idea of him just being away on a trip. Three days went by and the house was a zoo. My dad worked for an evangelist that hosted a weekly tv show and my dad was the captain of this ministers luxurious airplane. He also chartered the plane out to many celebrities when the owners were not using it to travel for the ministry. As a result my family had many celebrity friends who one by one were paying their condolences at our home. The press was on it and our house was in lock down. There was a flood of people in and out. Reporters were knocking on the door and trying all kinds of tactics to get in the front door. We had three seperate funeral services. One at the beach where some of my dads friends did a fly by salute in his honor using lear jets flying very low down the coastline at the Ft Lauderdale Beach, one of my dads and my favorite places to go. The fly by had not been approved when requested but his friends did it anyway and were fined a huge amount of money, but they knew he would have done the same thing for them. It was an awesome sight to see the jets fly by and wave their wings in his honor as they passed. The second service was huge. It was in a very large church in south Florida and the minister he worked for presided. There were many celebrities in attendance and the press snuck in and film of the service was on the news that night. The focus, of course, was on the celebrities in attendance and not so much on my dad. The press was relentless, they would shove their cameras into each limo as it pulled up to get a glimpse of who may be arriving. So invasive. The third service was private...maybe 100 people. It was held at the funeral home and was also presided over by my dads employer and friend. Up to this point I had been in shock and unable to absorb what was actually going on. There came a time in this service where people were going up to the casket and paying their respects. The casket was really beautiful, dark cherry with a crisp American flag draped over it. The funeral director let us know that anyone who hadn't paid their respects should do so as they were getting ready to end the service. My uncle leaned over and let me know it was time to go up...the whole thought terrified me. After much coaxing I stood and took one, two, three steps and then my entire body broke down. I collasped right there on the floor and the grief took me over. I don't know who helped me up but I was ushered into another room. I don't remember much about the rest of the day....

The weeks and months that followed are a blurr. I was 18 years old with huge amounts of money suddenly at my disposal. I had a brand new car and was on my own. My mother had lost ALL concept of responsibility and it was as if I had lost both parents not just one. I had never lived on my own...didn't know anything about it. I had horses and started looking for a place to live and take them too. I relocated a bit north to West Palm Beach and moved into an apartment over a barn I was boarding my horses in. My monetary status had me suddenly with an entire new set of friends, but not desirable ones. For the next three years I just did as I pleased. Finally when I was almost 21 I decided to move up north to the Gainesville area...and, well, thats an entire other story on its own.

My life changed forever on the morning of January 21st in 1985. The future I had planned was to work for my dad beginning in March of that year. In an instant my future was changed and I would be forever missing someone I should have spent a lot more time with and cherished a lot more than I did. My father was an awesome, intelligent , funny, handsome individual. He worked hard and took excellent care of his family...almost to a fault as we were so well provided for we missed a lot of lifes essential lessons for survival. My dad never got to walk me down the aisle, or see his grandchildren, who would have been the absolute delights of his life. My children missed out too, as he would have been a great grandpa. So much life lost in an instant. I live with it daily and think of the accident and him often. The 'if only's' are the worst. The accident was caused when a mechanic did not secure a cargo door. The plane began to make a bumping noise and when the crew decided to return to the airport to investigate the noise a crew member mistakenly reversed power when my dad called for full power during a turn back towards the airport. The plane stalled and crashed into a parking lot barely missing a major hi-way. As it was sliding it slid into a propane tank which caused the plane to explode....

Every moment counts. be sure to tell your loved ones how much you love them and how much they mean to you. Cherish every second... The picture at the top is one of my favorites of my dad. He was in the Navy and flew fighter jets when he was younger. He was always happiest when he was in the air....