Today is the day!!

Ok...so I have finally gotten a referral, not an appointment, but a referral to see a peds pulmonologist at Shands. So I am (not so) patiently waiting for them to call me and set up an appointment and this swine flu thing hits the media! Now I guess I will just never take Grace out anywhere!! If she has trouble with the common sniffles what in the world would we do if this new strain got a hold of her!?

So there is my rant....my let loose get it all out moment. Here is what the real me knows but sometimes has trouble practicing. God is in control. No matter what, this is true. Yesterday in church I had it so plainly there for me to see, hear and feel. For the past month or more I knew I had been taking allot more stress on than usual. Slowly it was building up and I was being short with everyone and had no energy as it was all used up in my stress. So on Saturday I started feeling God and His 'oh so gentle' guidance....He was telling me to to let it go and let Him take over again. By Sunday morning it was clear to me and as I was getting ready to go to church I looked in the mirror and as if to confirm to the myself, out loud I said, "Today is the day". I knew that it was the day to let go....to turn and remember who I was and that God is in control...if I will let Him be. Then, as if to seal and confirm the entire process, our pastor preached one of the most moving services I have ever heard! The subject?......you guessed it....turn, repent and remember your first love....Christ. He talked about how we get so caught up doing all the things we know we are supposed to do...attending church, helping out, teaching Sunday school, loving others spreading the gospel....that we leave Christ and our excitment and joy for Him on the back burner....the ember gets smaller and our love gets ordinary. He asked, (although I know he didn't really want us to answer), how many of us were excited about coming to church that morning...and singing praise and worship music. Well you know I thought about it...and I do get excited when I am going to church and I do love to sing the songs. I love it because it feeds my soul...I can compare it to refilling the gas tank in my car. It fills me up enough to get me through till the next fill up, on Wednesday night. I have realized how small I am in my journey and in my christianity. I know I have so very much more to learn and experience. I also know that I have come a very very long way and that I have no doubts about God and my salvation. My falter comes in living life here on earth and the daily struggles we all go through. I often wonder why I still try to do things on my own, how I seem to forget that I don't have to be alone....ever. God doesn't 'fix' everything as we think it should be done. He has infinite wisdom and see's much more than we ever will. His promise to us is to be with us. His promise is to love us. His promise is to never leave us...no matter what. He does not tell us bad things will not happen, but that when they do happen...He will cry with us and hold us up. He will sustain us. As long as we do not turn away He will remain with us.

I know that I pray everyday. I know that my name is written in the 'Book of Life'. My promise to myself today is that I will strive to cling tighter and closer to God. When I sing, I feel God draw near to me....His presence is so strong and that is one of the many reasons I love to to sing. I know that my spirit is soaring and my 'flesh' is being over taken by the spirit rising up in me. Sometimes as we are singing....the presence of God is so strong that Dawn, my singing partner, and I can only look at each other to know we are both feeling it and are both being swept away. The power of Gods' annointing is amazing. I felt it yesterday in church as I vowed to Him to keep Him in my sights and not to turn away when things became overwelming and stressful.

So just as I know I will be going through this journey with Grace, to find out why she is having trouble battling these viruses. We will not be alone. God will be with us for every test and ever answer. I know that as I draw closer to Him....fear will have no place.

(and a small PS.......we are getting ready to record about 7 more songs in the next month or so and will finally have enough tracks for a full length CD!!)